If ever there has been a controversial verse in the Holy Qur'an, it
certainly is verse 4:34. Used by opponents of Islam to label this
religion woman-unfriendly (to put it mildly), Muslims themselves are
struggling with interpreting it. For yes, let us agree about this:
there is no such thing as “the” one and only
correct interpretation of the Word of Allah – only Allah
knows what He meant. We can only try to understand. And in this
particular case, an alternative for the troublesome interpretations of
this verse may bring us a bit closer to that objective.
Let us have a look at a (partial) translation of this verse
1:
"Men are the {qawwam}
of women, because Allah has given the one more than the
other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the
righteous women are {qanitat}, and guard in the
husband's absence what Allah
would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear {nushuz},
admonish them first, then refuse to share their beds, and finally {adriboo}
them; but when they {ataa:} to you, then seek not
against them means of
annoyance: For Allah is Most High, great above you all. "
Disobedient women?
The key word to answer this question is {qanitat}, which is a feminine
plural of {qanit}, based on the root {q-n-t}. This word appears on many
other occasions in the Holy Qur'an
2, where it is used exclusively
in the sense of 'submissive, obedient to Allah'.
Verse 4:34 contains no reason at all to depart from this meaning and to
change it into 'obedience to a husband'. This
verse is about pious women who, just like pious men, are obedient to
Allah. And a wife (husband) who is obedient to God, must live up to her
(his) marital duties.
Superior husband and inferior wife?
Throughout the Holy Qur'an, Allah emphasizes that men and women are
equal for Him – Allah will judge them in exactly the same way
3.
So it would be strange
indeed if a verse would contradict this equality. But is that really
the case here? The Arabic word used is {qawwam}, an intensive form of
{qaim}, meaning: 'to take care of, to look after'.
Therefore, does this verse say that men are superior to women? Not at
all. It says: men must look after women. In Islam, men are obliged to
financially provide for their wife and children. They have to pay for
their housing, clothing, food, medicines, etc. That is what
{qawwamoona} means: men must take care of women.
Misbehaviour?
Is this verse about what a man should do when his wife 'misbehaves'?
The exact word used here, {nushuz}, means 'discord,
hostiliy, dissonance'. In this context it could be
interpreted as 'marital problems'.
Beating his wife?
The verse instructs a husband whose wife causes problems in their
marriage to first talk to her about it, then leave the marital bed,
then {adriboo} his wife, and all of this in view of pursueing a
reconciliation as is evident from the subsequent verse 4:35.
The Arabic word used here, {adriboo}, from the root {d-r-b}, has
several dozens of meanings, such as: 'to beat',
but also: 'to forsake, to avoid, to leave'.
How do we know which interpretation to choose? One way to find out, is
to relate this verse to other verses in the Holy Qur'an and to check if
the meanings make sense. In this case, let us look at verse 24:2, which
describes what should be done in case of adultery :
"The woman and the
man guilty of adultery or fornication,- flog each of them with a
hundred stripes..." (Holy Qur'an 24:2)4
This verse establishes the
principle that for men and women, equal actions lead to equal
punishment. When for adultery men and women must receive equal
punishment, surely there is no reason why they should be treated
differently for any lesser marital problem.
Now let us take a look at the consequences of interpreting {adriboo}
one way or another.
Suppose {adriboo} means: 'to beat'.
In this case, verse 4:34 says that when a wife causes a problem in the
marriage, her husband should first talk to her about it, then leave
their bed, then beat her and all of this in view of increasing his
chances of a reconciliation. On the emotional level, this certainly
does not sound like a very promising course of action. So let us check
this meaning against the bigger framework and in particular against the
principle of 'equal behaviour leads to equal punishment'.
This would imply that when a husband causes a problem in the marriage,
his wife can beat him. At which he could invoke verse 4:34 to beat her
again, so that the result would be a perpetual physical fight between
spouses! Surely, this makes no sense at all. And indeed, it is not what
Allah prescribes for the situation where a husband causes a rift, as
will be explained in a moment.
Suppose {adriboo} means: 'to forsake, to avoid',
possibly, as Mohammed Abdul Malek5
suggests: 'to separate, to part' .
Now what do we get? Verse 4:34 now says that when a wife causes a
problem in the marriage, her husband should first talk to her about it,
then leave their bed (forsaking his sexual satisfaction), then avoid
her even more (not talking to her anymore, leaving the room when she
enters it, and possibly even leaving the house for a while), in order
to prevent things from getting worse, and on the contrary to let things
cool down and create enough space in view of increasing chances of a
reconciliation.
This sounds like a very logical chain of events.
Also, application of the general rule of verse 24:2 ('equal
actions, equal punishment') now means that when a husband
causes a marital problem, his wife should forsake a few of her rights,
avoid her husband in increasing ways, and try to work towards a
reconciliation. And yes, that is precisely what verse 4:128 says:
"If a wife fears
cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them
if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves"
(Holy Qur'an 4:128)4
Understanding {adriboo} as 'to
forsake, to (gradually) avoid (more and more), possibly eventually
leave altogether', clearly makes sense when relating several
verses to one another.
And there is more. Beating a wife, would contradict hadiths of the Holy
Prophet who repeatedly said: “do not beat
believing women!”. It would also contradict the
Holy Prophet's instructions about anger – which (unless it is caused by
injustice) he explained
to originate from Satan and which he described as "a living
coal on one's heart". One should not act upon ones anger,
lest one would do things one would regret later. When you are angry
when you are standing, sit down, the Holy Prophet said. And when you
are still angry when you are sitting, then lie down. Interpreting this
verse as allowing a husband to beat his wife, surely contradicts these
rulings on anger.
Furthermore, Allah says in the Holy Qur'an that one must meet bad
behaviour with something that is better, not with something that is
worse, in order to turn a hostile situation into a friendly one:
"Nor can goodness
and Evil be equal. Repel (Evil) with what is better: Then will he
between whom and thee was hatred become as it were thy friend and
intimate!" (Holy Qur'an 41:13)4
Therefore the word {adriboo}
cannot really have meant “to beat”,
can it. It must mean something that is better than causing problems,
and avoiding the problem certainly is exactly that.
Based on the evidence presented here, it would seem that interpreting
{adriboo} as 'to beat', causes several internal
conflicts with the meaning of other Qur'anic verses and hadiths, while
interpreting it as 'gradually forsaking, more and more and
possibly leaving altogether', is a much more logical
interpretation that is entirely consistent with the interpretation of
other rules in the Holy Qur'an and the Sunnah of the Holy Prophet
Muhammad.
What makes much more sense, is that this verse does not
allow a 'superior' husband to 'beat' his 'inferior, disobedient' wife.
On the contrary, this verse appears to tell us that a husband must look
after his wife (an equal partner who, like he, is obedient to God), and
that when his wife is causing problems in their marriage, he should
first talk to her about it, if that doesn't help, he should begin
avoiding her by leaving the marital bed. If that still doesn't resolve
the situation, he should forsake her presence even more, avoid
conversations, leave a room when she enters it, avoid her company
altogether, and possibly leave the house for a while, so that no
problems are added to the conflict, and so that things can cool down a
bit to maximise chances for a later reconciliation.
Return to obedience?
When the problem is solved,
when the wife is committed to the marriage again, then the husband is
advised not to keep using the incident against her and to consider the
incident closed.
The exact Arabic wording is:
"when then they (fem.pl.) {aTa:} (with) you
(masc.pl.), then seek not against them (fem.pl) means of annoyance".
The verb {aTa:} (alif taa alif ayn) has several meanings, such as: 'obey',
but
also: 'comply, comply with, accommodate, give in to',
or in French 'filer
doux'. Consequently, the verse can be understood to mean: "when
then they
are committed to the marriage again", or: "when
then they give in to/comply
with the efforts of the husband to save the marriage", or "when
they no
longer cause marriage problems", ... Linguistically there is
no compelling
necessity to translate {aTa:} as "obedient to the husband"
. Other
interpretations are possible and indeed preferable. Earlier in the
verse,
there was no reason at all to translate {qanitat} as women who are
"obedient to their husband" so that
here there isn't any reason to imply
that this verse is about a temporary disobedience and a subsequent
return to
obedience to their husbands. It is not a matter of obedience to him, it
is a
matter of {nushuz} (marriage problems). And the Holy Quran advises that
when
one of the partners causes a marriage problem, the other should
gradually
avoid the person who causes the problem, in order to save the marriage
-
irrespective of who started the strife (4:34, 4:128)
Yet of course, this is only an interpretation. Allah knows best.
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